TW 9.C.5 - Life is a series of collisions with the future...

[arrow_of_apollo]

9.C.5. - "Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be." - Jose Ortega y Gasset

Lee Adama doesn't know who he is; more importantly, Lee Adama doesn't know who he wants to be.

Believe me, I've been hearing those criticisms my entire life. And frankly, there are all kinds of reasons that any decent head shrinker would assign to my particular personality flaws, and don't think I haven't been tempted to actually talk to one. I know I'm frakked up sometimes, and it's not like the Gods don't mind reminding me.

Captain. Lieutenant. Captain again. Major. Commander. Major again. Civilian. Attorney. Delegate. President.

I haven't missed it. I've been wandering, looking for an anchor point, trying to find the one thing or one person around which I can start to really define myself and my life, the way the human fleet has been wandering, trying to find Earth, someplace to call our own again so that we can start rebuilding a civilization.

But what have I found?

It's not duty. No matter how good a pilot I might have been, no matter how good a CAG or XO or even CO I might or might not have been, it got clearer to me with each passing day that I wasn't destined to wear a uniform forever. And it isn't Kara. There's a love there that can't really be explained, but it's not something you make a life out of. It isn't Dee, although it probably should have been.

[private]

And then there's Sharon. It can't be Sharon. There's more than frakking going on here, I'm not stupid enough to not realize it. But I don't know what it is, and that can't be. I think I might finally be closing in on a life I can call my own, and I can't let it fall out of control. Even if, around her, that's what I want to be.

(303)

Comments

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

We're family, Lee. That's all there should ever be.

Besides. I'm a bit busy these days. We don't have enough room for you to movie in. ::wry grin::






OOC: This comment brought to you, AU!Lee, by AU!Kara!

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I gotta agree with that.

Right, um... right.

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

Of course you have to agree. We all know how I'm usually right, Lee.

What the frak is that supposed to mean?





OOC: OMG, thank you for indulging my crazy, I have no idea how to make these two AU!muses work but I will FIND A WAY b/c OMG THE POTENTIAL FOR AWESOME. ::giggles:: And by these two, I mean Kara and Lee. :D

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

Uh-huh. If you say so.

It means... well, it means I don't even know how to begin discussing that.

OOC: Not at all! It should be quite a ride, trying to see how this will all shake out. :)

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

'Course I say so. Name one time I was wrong--okay, never mind.

Yeah, you and everybody else. Funny, I keep hearing things about it, just never to my frakking face.

Guess I should be used to that by now, huh?

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

Well, considering how often I went through that kind of thing when I was with Dee... I suppose I can understand a little.

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess so. People sure have a lot of frakking opinions.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

That they do.

[burnandrave.livejournal.com]

And I'm one of them, yes, before you say it.

How are--how are you and Dee, anyway?

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

...

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

So, you still don't know what you're doing, then?

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

More now than before, I think.

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

I suppose that's better, then.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

*nods* And how are you holding up?

[number-eight.livejournal.com]

After being released from hack and getting my daughter back? Much better, thanks.

[arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that could happen.