TM 170 - Time
Mar. 21st, 2007 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arrow_of_apollo170 - Time
((Locked from the Prosecution. Contains spoilers for episode 3x19, "Crossroads, pt. I"))
For that day when we all have the time.
That's what you wrote, Dad. And it turns out that these days, that's the one thing I've got in spades.
Who is a person? Beyond rank, name and serial number, how do you define an individual without defining the relationships and interactions he or she has with the other individuals surrounding them? Everyone is someone else's child, someone else's brother or sister, someone's lover, someone's friend. A dozen or a hundred lines to connect one to another.
And at the end of every line, is someone's idea of what and who the someone in the center is. But if you break those lines, remove the center from the connections, how do you define that someone all alone?
I've had a lot of time on my hands to think about this stuff lately, you might notice.
Who am I if I'm not Admiral William Adama's eldest son? If I'm not Anastasia Dualla's husband? If I'm not Kara Thrace's best friend? What if I'm not serving as Galactica's CAG? What if I'm not serving in the military at all, and I can't even put the word "Major" in front of my name anymore?
What have I got if I don't have a father, a friend, a wife and a uniform?
Time, it seems, and questions to fill it. Unfortunately, not a lot of answers.
Every moment of every day, every person allows someone or something in their life to help define themselves. Some more than others, but each of us has come to let other people tell us who we are, even just a little. It helps draw the boundaries of "me" for us, and fixes our idea of "me" in our heads. Maybe I was letting too many other things and people tell me those things.
But now they're gone. Because of a choice I made to define myself on my own damn terms. I faced a choice, something so many of us have been doing over and over again since the Cylons ended our old world: I stood between the right thing to do and the good thing to do. I chose the right thing, but the one that no one wanted me to choose, and that's what finally broke all those connections, isn't it?
For the record, I hate Gaius Baltar. I hate him for every life lost on New Caprica. And I believe President Roslin saw him before the attacks with the Caprica Six, so I hate him for every life lost in the Twelve Colonies. I want him to be found guilty and be executed for everything that's happened, but that does not excuse an unfair trial and a sabotaged defense. And, frankly, I don't trust Romo Lampkin further than I can throw him, and nine times out of ten I'm convinced that everything out of his mouth is a lie.
I love my father, maybe more than he'll ever know now, and his questioning of my integrity hurt worse than being shot. And I love my wife for every time she has been the one connection that only asked for "me" out of me, and I've never felt as alone as I did after she walked out. And I love Laura Roslin like a friend and a mother, and I would give my life ten times to not have had to do what I did.
But this isn't about what I want. It's about what's required of us as citizens, and as people. New Caprica showed just how much humanity would sacrifice and accept in order to survive. But survival isn't everything. Our humanity isn't just living and reproducing, it's our ability to be more than our instincts and desires. It's why we invented government, why we invented laws.
We have to ask ourselves if we're worthy of survival, right? Revenge isn't justice. Not guilty doesn't mean innocent. Guilty is something that has to be proved. This isn't supposed to be a society where it's all right to break laws or ignore the rule of government whenever it suits us, or whenever enough people want it. It's supposed to be a society where voices are heard fairly, and my rights and your rights are the same and equal in the eyes of the law. Remember?
Everyone wants to know why I did it.
Because as much as they hate it, and me now... it was the right thing to do.
Believe me, I'm sure of that. I've had a lot of time alone on my hands to think about it.
(757, not including direct quotes)
((Locked from the Prosecution. Contains spoilers for episode 3x19, "Crossroads, pt. I"))
For that day when we all have the time.
That's what you wrote, Dad. And it turns out that these days, that's the one thing I've got in spades.
Who is a person? Beyond rank, name and serial number, how do you define an individual without defining the relationships and interactions he or she has with the other individuals surrounding them? Everyone is someone else's child, someone else's brother or sister, someone's lover, someone's friend. A dozen or a hundred lines to connect one to another.
And at the end of every line, is someone's idea of what and who the someone in the center is. But if you break those lines, remove the center from the connections, how do you define that someone all alone?
I've had a lot of time on my hands to think about this stuff lately, you might notice.
Who am I if I'm not Admiral William Adama's eldest son? If I'm not Anastasia Dualla's husband? If I'm not Kara Thrace's best friend? What if I'm not serving as Galactica's CAG? What if I'm not serving in the military at all, and I can't even put the word "Major" in front of my name anymore?
What have I got if I don't have a father, a friend, a wife and a uniform?
Time, it seems, and questions to fill it. Unfortunately, not a lot of answers.
Every moment of every day, every person allows someone or something in their life to help define themselves. Some more than others, but each of us has come to let other people tell us who we are, even just a little. It helps draw the boundaries of "me" for us, and fixes our idea of "me" in our heads. Maybe I was letting too many other things and people tell me those things.
But now they're gone. Because of a choice I made to define myself on my own damn terms. I faced a choice, something so many of us have been doing over and over again since the Cylons ended our old world: I stood between the right thing to do and the good thing to do. I chose the right thing, but the one that no one wanted me to choose, and that's what finally broke all those connections, isn't it?
For the record, I hate Gaius Baltar. I hate him for every life lost on New Caprica. And I believe President Roslin saw him before the attacks with the Caprica Six, so I hate him for every life lost in the Twelve Colonies. I want him to be found guilty and be executed for everything that's happened, but that does not excuse an unfair trial and a sabotaged defense. And, frankly, I don't trust Romo Lampkin further than I can throw him, and nine times out of ten I'm convinced that everything out of his mouth is a lie.
I love my father, maybe more than he'll ever know now, and his questioning of my integrity hurt worse than being shot. And I love my wife for every time she has been the one connection that only asked for "me" out of me, and I've never felt as alone as I did after she walked out. And I love Laura Roslin like a friend and a mother, and I would give my life ten times to not have had to do what I did.
But this isn't about what I want. It's about what's required of us as citizens, and as people. New Caprica showed just how much humanity would sacrifice and accept in order to survive. But survival isn't everything. Our humanity isn't just living and reproducing, it's our ability to be more than our instincts and desires. It's why we invented government, why we invented laws.
We have to ask ourselves if we're worthy of survival, right? Revenge isn't justice. Not guilty doesn't mean innocent. Guilty is something that has to be proved. This isn't supposed to be a society where it's all right to break laws or ignore the rule of government whenever it suits us, or whenever enough people want it. It's supposed to be a society where voices are heard fairly, and my rights and your rights are the same and equal in the eyes of the law. Remember?
Everyone wants to know why I did it.
Because as much as they hate it, and me now... it was the right thing to do.
Believe me, I'm sure of that. I've had a lot of time alone on my hands to think about it.
(757, not including direct quotes)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 10:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-22 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-22 04:28 pm (UTC)OOC
Date: 2007-03-21 08:34 pm (UTC)Re: OOC
Date: 2007-03-21 10:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 09:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-21 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-23 12:34 am (UTC)You chose principles, and now the consequences have to play out.
OOC: Beautifully, beautifully done.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-23 06:32 am (UTC)