arrow_of_apollo: (Soldier | Sitting Pouting)
arrow_of_apollo ([personal profile] arrow_of_apollo) wrote2009-06-03 09:44 am

[[livejournal.com profile] theatrical_muse] 284 - Talk about a time you were forced out o

284 - Talk about a time you were forced out of something.

"I will not serve under a man who questions my integrity."

"And I won't have an officer under my command who doesn't have any."


Integrity.

Honor.

Loyalty.

Central precepts of the Colonial Fleet-- in fact, of military service throughout human history. They are the pillars upon which every soldier must stand, from the greenest crewman signing his name on the roll up to the Admiral with more stars on her uniform than buttons. Without these things, the Colonial Fleet is nothing more than a bunch of hired guns.

They're also much less clear-cut and concrete concepts than they mention in Basic Training.


When I stood in my father's quarters, facing him across that desk-- that desk, naturally, the one that I used to hate having to be anywhere near when I was a kid-- I could feel those ideals being set against each other. I knew things were going to come to a head, and that something drastic and irrevocable was about to happen.

And maybe it was all the old frustrations and resentments that I thought I'd put aside, and maybe it was just the intractable Adama stubbornness that I'd inherited from the man himself, but I didn't feel like keeping it from happening.

As Major Lee Adama, my duty was to protect Romo Lampkin and ensure that he survived to give Gaius Baltar the legal representation that was the right of all Colonial citizens. When Lampkin was injured and needed an assistant, I volunteered, in the interest of living up to the ideals of the judicial system: that any defendant deserves the most capable defense available. The Admiral hadn't liked it, but allowed it.

I felt I was honoring my commitments as both an officer and a citizen, honoring the laws of my society and our civilization, those things that we were running and fighting so hard to preserve.

And then Colonel Tigh took the stand. I didn't pour the booze down his throat, I didn't make him give his testimony drunk. That's when loyalty came back to bite me on the ass. Not my loyalty, necessarily, but my father's. Dad accused me of providing the defense with information I didn't even know, and of spitefully wanting to publicly attack and humiliate Tigh. He said this wasn't me, that I wasn't who and where I was supposed to be.

It was his loyalty to Saul Tigh talking. There are people whose lives are locked together, no matter what. They're that kind of people. My father was angry at me, angry at Lampkin for staging a successful defense, angry at the system for requiring a trial for Baltar at all.

Integrity. Honor. Loyalty.

The Admiral didn't demand my resignation, not directly. But I couldn't have walked through that hatch wearing those wings and kept my conscience clear. I chose to take them off, but it's not much of a choice when it's the only thing you can live with yourself doing.


(468, not counting direct quotes)

[identity profile] number-eight.livejournal.com 2009-06-03 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
You really felt like you were being fired?

[identity profile] arrow-of-apollo.livejournal.com 2009-06-03 06:01 pm (UTC)(link)
In a way. I guess the more accurate description would be that he sort of ended up forcing my hand. If I did what he wanted, I wouldn't be doing what I thought was right.