Considering the circumstances, I think you're being far too hard on yourself. Whatever else you and Captain Thrace were to each other, you were good friends and she was a link to your brother and a bridge to your father when he decided to be deliberately impossible when it came to you.

I realize I have no business giving you this advice, but I'm going to advise you to do as I say and not as I do and tell you that the tree that doesn't bend will break. You need to let yourself bend.

And do both yourself and your father a favor and let the others fly the CAP for a while. The one thing Bill won't come back from is losing you, too.